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Friday, February 12, 2010

a bit more..

L. February 10 at 3:47pm
hello again i suppose my true reason for opening this i'm really reaching out for help..most of the time i feel scared i' going to run out of faith before i get there..where ever there is..i almost feel as if part my essence has been torn away..and i cant feel find all the love i know is there to help me heal..feel very empty and scared..trying to hang on through the fear to get to..? something better , something whole..something connected..any ideas???? thank you again..
whew..that was hard...namaste' L.

Dae February 12 at 4:01am
thank you so much for reaching out in this way
your inquiry is so succinct and indeed precious
that i feel it might be good to get peoples input
and response...

from time to time i get asked questions
and when i think others might benefit from witnessing the exchange
i post them in my notes
being careful to first anonymize them by taking out any identifying or traceable references...

about the specific questions you illuminated in your note:

i heard a great quote today from Robert Tennyson Stevens, " fear is faith returning"

the word crisis means something has to change it cant remain the astrology we use this to describe the mid-life crisis series of planetary transits like the Uranian opposition at 40-41 where Uranus the planet of consciousness, divine mind, intuition, radical change and wyrd-ness gets to be 180 degrees from where it was at the moment of your birth...
this is then usually followed by the Neptune square from about 41-43/44 where Neptune the planet of illusions, imagination, disillusionment, and vision, the path of dispelling illusions and your path of compassion gets to be 90 degrees from where it was at the moment of your birth...

it sounds to me like you are in chrysalis
that you have a reference...something that you are comparing your present state with...which means that some part of you
is there already, remaining in that state of alrightness for you to know or contrast with your present is that? how did that happen?

imagine that each one of us is an infinite immortal being or child of the light...forever held in the heart and mind of the divine as perfect...
that we were each there at the beginning, are now and will forever be in the presence of the one...and that there isnt anything that we could ever do that would make the universe stop loving the beegeeberz outta us, each and every part of us, even for one instant...
there is no immortal part of us that can ever be lost...and only what is infinite is real... if it isn't infinite it isn't real...

it sounds to me that you are exercising your faith...which is something we all must learn to do like we exercise our muscles
to do this we must go to the edge beyond our limits
we must test and be tested...we must be invested and risk
or feel we have something on the line in order to gain the full benefit of the trial...
we must have the experience of the risk of loss...
to overcome the blindness of our immortal nature
to really learn what it is to be human
but once having immersed ourselves in this world
as completely as we can
the challenge is to bring forth
the infinite
from within us
to remember the infinite
in our most pressing moment
this changes everything forever for every one
becasue once we remember the infinite
we are thinking infinite thoughts
and there is no room for what isnt infinite to enter in
and by doing this we have change the pattern
the pattern of panic and fear that could before so easily consume our every waking thought and pervade our actions and choices
but once we think the infinite thought
in our darkest moment:
we create a new pattern or habit of possibility of remembering the infinite next time, remembering who we really are and where we really come from and why it is we chose to come to earth the next time we feel fear, doubt, anger, the point where these things over time can become triggers for remembering to practice thinking infinite thoughts and connecting with our immortal nature
eventually we realize these things like fear are our friends, our teachers, our angels, our divine mesengers, our gifts, our blessings, our opportunities
to remember being our truest selves...
this is a spiritual practice...full time and full on...
and i realize this "hard"
but consider the alternative:
just being or feeling the dark and lost lands...endlessly...

about the part in your note where you say that you almost feel as if a part of your soul... your essence has been torn away...
you can not lose what it infinite about you...
you can only lose what you need to
that emptiness that is left is important to honor
and not try to fill in with anything
it is precious...and sacred...look there now
see what there is to see in that emptiness...
listen...witness...the silence...the vastness
the simplicity...the rawness... the realness and the unreal...
take are loved and held and cherished
the universe delights in your innocence, wonder, and awe...

welcome to the great mystery...

recently i have glimpsed and witnessed
death...and grief
that sometimes marks us for a lifetime
leaving us lost in doubt and anger and fear and "unconsoulable" madness...and lost in the apparent futility of life on earth...
the emptiness of life...
leaves us near paralysis

i think about the prisoner
held in the dark
with nothing but a sliver of light from under the door

and time


and i know that every moment i spend out in the world
breathing free fresh air
every time i chose to exercise the gift of this body
is precious
i chose not to waste one second waiting
for anything...
as soon as i find myself waiting i think about the prisoners
and i give thanks and live
live as large as i can in that moment
taking back my life from waiting
realizing that phrase from the scripture
that the "kingdom of god is with you"
the realm of the infinite is with me
and i can chose at any moment
to dwell consciously
in the fields
of the infinite...
this choice is forever ours
to reclaim...
to practice...
to real...ize


it was a bit late when i wrote that and i just remembered one of the most important things i meant to say...:

when we give the universe our undivided attention
there isnt anything else we have to do and no place else we have to be
we begin to feel that we are in the center
and that we can go from here
we are doing then exactly what the universe wants of us


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