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Friday, May 28, 2010

Crude Oil is ancient afternoons...WE Eat The Sun?

As we watch
and feel
the great outpouring
a mile deep
from the bottom
of the Gulf of Mexico
of the dark liquid
we run our world on

as if it is some great toxic foreign maliciousness
it's important to realize
where did it come from
how did it get here
and what is it

I'm told that as recently as 10,000,000 years ago
the Earth was a forest planet
covered with among other things
12 different varieties of Redwood trees
that it really was a planet of the apes
as several different versions of our ancestors
enjoyed life in the trees...

Trees job is to collect, absorb,
and metabolize solar radiation
for the planet
by rearranging water and soil into solar collectors...

As a forest lives and dies by seasons
laying down layers of leaves and needles
(old spent solar collectors)
seeds and branches
creating eons of dark rich soils
these eventually become buried
under layers of rock, sediments, and stone
that press down on these ancient forests
and if enough pressure is applied over a long enough time
there's coal, diamonds, or oil...
the distilled remnant of our ancient forests
the Earths solar receptors...
the liquefied version of ancient sunny days
the encyclopedia of ancient afternoons...

the recorded memory of the weather
now gumbo and lubricant for the world
that the Earth for reasons as yet unknown
has decided in the few short 130 years to
use humanity to extract from it's depths
and disperse up into its atmosphere
converting from rock and liquid
to gaseous state at such a rate
that we have come to the brink of our own ending..
self annihilation...
and the Earth will go on
barely registering us in the geological record
as the agency or mechanism it used to perform
this recycling of the ancient forests' chemical essences
into atmospheric constituencies
for what purpose?

But right now
our whole world
is coming awake
to the need
to come to consciousness
to realize our full potential
as Earth born cosmic citizens
not just as Earthly mechanisms...

To responsibly apply the break
to this process of recycling the ancient forest energies
while we still have a chance
to create a world we can live in sustainably...

Because if we were to pump all the oil out of the ground
would we still be able to live here...?

We have a chance right now
to embark on an evolutionary step

by moving away from fossil fuel
and towards the application of our genius
to discover new ways of living on Earth
with the Earth...
Like the exploration and recovery of
subtle energy science, engineering, and technologies
that appears to have been common knowledge
to our ancestors a mere 5,000 years ago...
Like developing the most efficient methods of
direct solar collection...
seeing as how most means of energy production
we use as a society (oil,coal, wood)
originate with the Sun...
and even our food consumption is
based on the nutritional value derived from
eating food we grow that collects
solar energy...
or we eat flesh of creatures that
eat other organisms that collect solar radiation...
In other words its no wonder there are ancient religious practices
for giving thanks to the Sun...
Because basically
We eat the Sun!!!
In fact if the food we eat doesn't have enough sunlight in it
we can't live off it...
no matter how glitzy the packaging, stock price, or projected market share!

So it's all about how we harvest the sunlight
what is good for us...all
not just a few of us
but all of humanity
or else what are we all doing this world for...
because it is clear that if we are not all
living our lives optimally for the betterment of our selves AND everyone else
we all die
a little at a time
but eventually we all die until there is nothing of us left
if we're all living for the aggrandizement of the few
no one wins, and we all die...
whereas if we live and work for the betterment of all life
for the seventh generation in the future
making out daily and long term decisions
based on what is good for
our great great great great grandchildren
we may have a chance of creating a world
they might cherish
because we communicated our love to them
by leaving a healthy, vibrant world
for them to pass on...

we have as usual
a chance to choose consciousness
or not...
may cooler heads prevail...

Saturday, February 13, 2010

"...hello brother...sorry to disturb..."


hello brother...sorry to disturb




i have been going thru much of late, my father passing, end of relationship...but i am experiencing energy in the form of panic attacks and anxiety. can't sleep. im just reaching out...


how old are you




when is your birth day

and what time


july 14, 1963...10:49pm




brooklyn, new york


do you know much about astrology


a little. i mean i embrace it but don't study other than thru reading your work and some freinds


has your father passed






early summer.....June

i was in line to see Amma and he passed. i am just feeling so strange in my mind and body.


has the intensity of the reality of this been increasing this week


oh yeah...worst ever. no sleep. fear. panic attacks. my life is becoming so crazy. i hve never been this way before




no i haven't.


standing on your head


i stopped my practice...felt so lost...

no standing either


hot tub




hot springs

sweat lodge


no. money has been sparse. laid off. i became claustrophobic thru all this. a sweat lodge would be difficult for me. i've done them in the past. damn what is happening to me brother!!?


i have some good news


yes? i would love to know


i saved ten dollars on my car insurance...


~smiling~....i set myself up for that one i guess.


the reason the father realization had intensified this week is the Sun passed your Saturn 3 days ago in the 12th house

what this means

both planets are the father archetypes

alpha males

pissing contest

the 12th house is the house of dreams

and connecting with the collective unconscious

SAturn is also the planet of Karmic lesson


with your SAt. in the 12th it means your Karmic lesson has to do with connecting with the collective human unconscious

consider that


that explains the doom feeling i suppose. the fear. unrelenting fear. like a child left alone.


some of what you have been feeling

may not be yours

that the grieving process of your fathers passing may be serving

to drop you in touch with

the frequencies of fear

associated with the father, abandonment

that the collective feels is feeling and has always felt

and that

you as an infinite immortal child of the light

that has chosen to incarnate at this time to assist with the rest of this soul group

to dispell the frequencies of fear on the planet

by dispelling the frequencies of fear within



that this is not something one can do

be remaining in the everythings alright side of life

but only by moving through the course of trial

of feeling loss

can you or i or anyone come up to bat

to came awake to

to come awake in the midst

of the agony that has been the emotional truth for the human experience since we created this place

of experiencing the illusion of the separation from the one

in that moment of


the suck and yuk

if we can remember our infinitude

think infinite thoughts

connect with the infinite

we change the pattern for all

if we can come awake

in the midst of the fear

and angxiety

and chose

to give the universe, the infinite, divinity

our undivided attention

willing ly

without reservation

and even with glee

for the communion

we have then

changed the world

we are then

doing exactly what the universe

wants most of us

we are exactly where the universe wants us to be

and we can go on from here

it is easy


i understand...but my God...i feel so small and weak....i want to FEEL connected. to KNOW.


to have a spiriutual


when life is easy

but this is the time you were practicing for

because now

if you can practice

in the midst of the trial

it will be that much stronger in the easy times

becasue you are being tested

you are meant to feel small and weak

otherwise there is no test

the conditions are ripe for your success

in this

it is simple

you are being drawn into

a place

that only you can go

the journey is assured

even the outcome is assured

the witnessings is entirely up to you

got to the center

and invoke


i see...i feel this to be true.


the light

got to the center of the pain

the darkest place you can imagine

without resistance

and call unto

your love

call unto your beloved

and receive



i am trembling....


let go of circumstance


to the center

surrender to your beloved




thank you


i will take these words with me my brother. i love you takig this time with me


when you can feel the tingle of gratitude moving thoughout your body

for the gift of all the contributors to your trial

you know it is done


if you feel a panic coming on use it as and test out gratitude





that is HUGE!!

never looked at it that way


that is our mission

that is how we can use our freewill

to save the world

by coming conscious in the midst of the suck

so that the yuk becomes a tool of retraining oneself

to respond with yum

so fear becomes a trigger for our new healthy pattern of remembering to connect with the infinite

our beloved

which of course only can create a spiral

of more gratitude

other wise we have a chose


to succumb

to the usual response of panic



ya know

it's kind of

an amazing thing


indeed....i am feeling your words like manna from heaven.


when ya think about it

that an infinite immortal being

can be afraid of something

can be so caught up in the movie

that they think


less than


less than infinite


what an amazing game

we kids have created huh



~smiling~ yes indeed we have. you know

for many years i was drawn to you and your energy from way back on Tribe, all your adventures and i know why.


we are infinite we live forever



i remember u standing one rocks on some cliff with your van in the background, and i thought that fels so free.



no matter how infinite and immortal we are

the emotional truth

is what we are here

to experience


it was supposed to be fun

this "reality" thing

but the truth is

only what is infinite is real

if it isnt infinite

it isnt real







PRACTICE!! so be it!

i will take this in my heart and say go(o)dnight to u brother! i will thank u with my further practice


this is the walking the talk part

bless and rainbow dreams


ain't that the truth

peace brother

Friday, February 12, 2010

a bit more..

L. February 10 at 3:47pm
hello again i suppose my true reason for opening this i'm really reaching out for help..most of the time i feel scared i' going to run out of faith before i get there..where ever there is..i almost feel as if part my essence has been torn away..and i cant feel find all the love i know is there to help me heal..feel very empty and scared..trying to hang on through the fear to get to..? something better , something whole..something connected..any ideas???? thank you again..
whew..that was hard...namaste' L.

Dae February 12 at 4:01am
thank you so much for reaching out in this way
your inquiry is so succinct and indeed precious
that i feel it might be good to get peoples input
and response...

from time to time i get asked questions
and when i think others might benefit from witnessing the exchange
i post them in my notes
being careful to first anonymize them by taking out any identifying or traceable references...

about the specific questions you illuminated in your note:

i heard a great quote today from Robert Tennyson Stevens, " fear is faith returning"

the word crisis means something has to change it cant remain the astrology we use this to describe the mid-life crisis series of planetary transits like the Uranian opposition at 40-41 where Uranus the planet of consciousness, divine mind, intuition, radical change and wyrd-ness gets to be 180 degrees from where it was at the moment of your birth...
this is then usually followed by the Neptune square from about 41-43/44 where Neptune the planet of illusions, imagination, disillusionment, and vision, the path of dispelling illusions and your path of compassion gets to be 90 degrees from where it was at the moment of your birth...

it sounds to me like you are in chrysalis
that you have a reference...something that you are comparing your present state with...which means that some part of you
is there already, remaining in that state of alrightness for you to know or contrast with your present is that? how did that happen?

imagine that each one of us is an infinite immortal being or child of the light...forever held in the heart and mind of the divine as perfect...
that we were each there at the beginning, are now and will forever be in the presence of the one...and that there isnt anything that we could ever do that would make the universe stop loving the beegeeberz outta us, each and every part of us, even for one instant...
there is no immortal part of us that can ever be lost...and only what is infinite is real... if it isn't infinite it isn't real...

it sounds to me that you are exercising your faith...which is something we all must learn to do like we exercise our muscles
to do this we must go to the edge beyond our limits
we must test and be tested...we must be invested and risk
or feel we have something on the line in order to gain the full benefit of the trial...
we must have the experience of the risk of loss...
to overcome the blindness of our immortal nature
to really learn what it is to be human
but once having immersed ourselves in this world
as completely as we can
the challenge is to bring forth
the infinite
from within us
to remember the infinite
in our most pressing moment
this changes everything forever for every one
becasue once we remember the infinite
we are thinking infinite thoughts
and there is no room for what isnt infinite to enter in
and by doing this we have change the pattern
the pattern of panic and fear that could before so easily consume our every waking thought and pervade our actions and choices
but once we think the infinite thought
in our darkest moment:
we create a new pattern or habit of possibility of remembering the infinite next time, remembering who we really are and where we really come from and why it is we chose to come to earth the next time we feel fear, doubt, anger, the point where these things over time can become triggers for remembering to practice thinking infinite thoughts and connecting with our immortal nature
eventually we realize these things like fear are our friends, our teachers, our angels, our divine mesengers, our gifts, our blessings, our opportunities
to remember being our truest selves...
this is a spiritual practice...full time and full on...
and i realize this "hard"
but consider the alternative:
just being or feeling the dark and lost lands...endlessly...

about the part in your note where you say that you almost feel as if a part of your soul... your essence has been torn away...
you can not lose what it infinite about you...
you can only lose what you need to
that emptiness that is left is important to honor
and not try to fill in with anything
it is precious...and sacred...look there now
see what there is to see in that emptiness...
listen...witness...the silence...the vastness
the simplicity...the rawness... the realness and the unreal...
take are loved and held and cherished
the universe delights in your innocence, wonder, and awe...

welcome to the great mystery...

recently i have glimpsed and witnessed
death...and grief
that sometimes marks us for a lifetime
leaving us lost in doubt and anger and fear and "unconsoulable" madness...and lost in the apparent futility of life on earth...
the emptiness of life...
leaves us near paralysis

i think about the prisoner
held in the dark
with nothing but a sliver of light from under the door

and time


and i know that every moment i spend out in the world
breathing free fresh air
every time i chose to exercise the gift of this body
is precious
i chose not to waste one second waiting
for anything...
as soon as i find myself waiting i think about the prisoners
and i give thanks and live
live as large as i can in that moment
taking back my life from waiting
realizing that phrase from the scripture
that the "kingdom of god is with you"
the realm of the infinite is with me
and i can chose at any moment
to dwell consciously
in the fields
of the infinite...
this choice is forever ours
to reclaim...
to practice...
to real...ize


it was a bit late when i wrote that and i just remembered one of the most important things i meant to say...:

when we give the universe our undivided attention
there isnt anything else we have to do and no place else we have to be
we begin to feel that we are in the center
and that we can go from here
we are doing then exactly what the universe wants of us

the weeds...

sometimes when we're just walking down a familiar path that we know should only take us a few moments or hours to get to our destination...we suddenly find ourselves being drawn off to the side into the weeds...sidetracked...way laid...drawbacks...setbacks... time passes...weeks maybe months of constantly struggling to get back...get back to at least yesterdays problems...our familiar stuggles...but no...we are out there now in the unfamiliar... definitely not in control of anything but being able to choose how we take all of this, how we live with these we live each second knowing we are way the heck out there...on some danged adventure in the unknown...trying our level headed best not to hurt or harm ourselves or our chances... trying to recover, remember, return to the simple path...but the universe has other we turn over every stone...follow every lead...learning the intricacies of this wilderness, our predicament and what the universe is trying to teach us...holding us by our big toe...lovingly?...we live our our hall of mirrors...and knowing all this is not enough to return us to the path...there is progress only when there is progress...but not due to anything we may have done... but we follow through completely on everything that might be a solution...might turn the tide...might be the way back...we follow every glimmer of light...stumbling around in the weeds...

perhaps one day a moment comes when we find our way back to the path
to the safe and known...stumbling out of the woods...we realize where we looks strangely familiar because we of course have never seen it from this direction before
having now unwittingly explored beyond the hinterland one might have seen from our old familiar path...before...before our unwilling journey...our apparently necessary journey into the changed for ever...that time we spent, gone, never to return...we are somehow expanded by all this our familiar path of course seems strange as we hurt from our ache for it...and

we begin again on our way that should be only a few short steps away from our goal
but then our confusion and exuberance and resentment at the universe for making us go through all that...are all boiled up together in the moment of each footfall on our path...our cherished path...if we can only get there...then everything will be alright everything will go as planned everything once again becomes possible...for our happily ever after...

but if we wish to include everything becoming possible in our adventure...then everything will from time to time show up...and not always to our liking...
but then this is all conjecture because can't go home again...cant go down to the same river twice they say...
and sure enough the hall of mirrors reveals itself again and you discover that you may or may not have been on your actual path back home...but at least you have found yesterdays problems just where and how you left now that you've enjoyed the moments of exuberance thinking you have made it are found back at the beginning of your what have you learned in all this time in the weeds that you can apply to the old problem that you didnt know before...
cuz maybe thats what this whole thing has been about some precious little tidbit that the universe wanted you to have...and this delay this setback was the most expeditious way for you to get the delivery...?? or the universe is just messin'with ya...wanting and waiting for us to get the joke on us...
we're immortal and none of this matters really...the universe just wanted to catch us in our moment of attachment to remind us to remember what's really important...or not...our choice really...

either way we dont move forward until we do something right...if we can only figure out like a rat in a maze which combination of jesters which prayer sequence will get the danged pellet of food to tumble down the shute...but then it isnt about all that either ...this after trying the same combination so many times because we think it's right...we think it SHOULD WORK...WE JUST WANT THE DANGED THING TO WORK ...WE JUST WANT THIS FREAKIN NIGHTMARE TO BE OVER WE JUST WANT OUR LIFE BACK...

it really doesnt matter though because like the baby in the highchair screaming for attention we dont get to go until we get it right...& looking back after we figure it out knowledge is the much execution does it take to elicite the right knowledge to tumble down the shute...?

along the way of course, especially as hours turn to days turn to weeks there is plenty of time to wonder of our predicament philosophize about ones life and current circumstance so like Job sitting in sackcloth in the dust and ashes of his former prosperous life surrounded by his 3 "friends" trying to figure out why this is happening... what did we do wrong to deserve gods wrath ...because god does'nt make mistakes ..if something bad is happening to us we must have done something wrong...right?...wrong

but we take our life apart anyway piece by piece...navel gazing...examining every detail that has led us to this moment of crisis...where crisis is defined as the state where something has to change, it can't remain the same..what have we to learn from this...and when we determine that we havent done anthing wrong we have tured over every stone we could in ernest with pure heart, taken advantage of every opportunity to resolve our dilema...then we can only proceed with determining what the heck is wrong with our relationship to the universe that it has to come to this....
maybe we need an upgrade to a clearer communication ...

but the thing is through our examination we realize beyond all doubt that there is no way to give up...failure is not an option ...we cant back up and there is no do over or reset button...we can not turn around we cannot retreat we can not surrender...we can not stand still here in this threshold of crisis forever...we... must... be ...born...forth...or reborn but we cant stay here and we have to move...forward..................the pressure is unbearable...yet we bear it and we use it and we center in it and slow ly inperceptably at first....there is a change...before we know it the page has turned...
leaving us with the chose of resentment or not...

oh oh what is that there truely a sign of the familiar...oh is it our life workign again...are we in the right flow our life moving in the right direction again after all this time...and it was only that little thing after all that we didnt know about that was holding it up and voila
presto chango movement...progress...freedom

when i was in the midst of this i saw was in that moment i was writing this and the computer froze and crashed for the umpteenth time over the past 3 weeks continuing to hold hostage the final cut of the movie ive just spent the last 5 months creating...every time i would try to export or burn the DVD to get the final cut of the movie out of the computer which can take up to 8- 9 hours... the computer would freeze up . .. .... . ...... .. ... .
The movie is about two previously unknown archeological sites i discovered in Big Sur,CA over the past 16 years...that i feel may be connected with the Hopi story of the survivors of the last world destruction/ purification by flood by the nephew of the great spirit at the end of the 3rd world age and their place of emergence into this the 4th world, 5 to 10 thousand years ago...
as i was composing the part about findin' ones way back to the path the computer gliched up and i had to shut it off and i thought i'd lost the first 5 paragraphs of this piece...but the next day when i opened the computer it was still there as it was when i had to shut it down...but in those 12 hours having thought i'd lost the work...a question came...

what are the weeds!

growing up and learning to grow a vegetable garden i was told weeds are those pesky little things that grow profusely without permission where we dont want them...yet

as i'm stumbling around out there trying to "get back" to the simple path...trying everything i can think of through my grief and fear and disgust and resignation...and did i mention why this is taking place why is this necessary why can it just be easy and effortless instead of this long ordeal
why cant i just birth the see in the past 3 years i have self -published 11 books and 2 feature length movies...and this some form of last minute complications has happened with just about every one ....every
and i for one would so love for this to evolve to the harmonious rung of the spiral...

so...i'm out there in the weeds bemoaning my fate...when the computer freezes as these black lines that look like I Ching hexagrams cover the screen... blinking...on and off at some random interval...
cosmic morse code? i ache for the loss of those thoughts i just spent that time pouring myself my mind and heart into to leave some record for you who might know what i mean about all this...something said i should try to write about my insight while still in the midst of the trial...before the resolution...

so it suddenly occurs to me to look down at the weeds...
to realize what the weds are
when i was a kid getting lost in the woods was a favorite pastime
to the point where as an adult i carried on with this though now calling it bushwacking...
or in scouting for a site for a rainbow gathering...whcich ive had the pleasure and privilege of doing several times all over the country and even in Africa...
so im very familiar with being lost in the wilderness...lost in the weeds
being found...finding oneself...back in the known
the weirdness of one moment being lost and two steps later feeling found...
same earth... what's changed... perception ...something inside me...head and heart
the thing is
that if you've been through it enough you know the signs of being close to being found...
and sometimes you remember in that moment of being found
to look glimpse back at where you just came from...that seemingly hostile and foreboding and ominous place...that you held in your head a few moments ago as the world...
the unknown was alive and talking with you... even if you weren't enjoying it
the scarry parts were all about you as you were desperately trying to find your way back to something familiar in your jaunt off the map...
but somewhere out there in the woods or the weeds you may have seen something beautiful...the way the sunlight came through the leaves of the trees...the smell of the dampness of the grass
the deep yellow of a dandelion you ate to bolster your liver and kidneys...the flight of a wild bird singing overhead...that moment you found yourself face to face with a wild animal and you both froze and considered one another for that long moment...before the spell was broken and one or the other of you continued on your way...

the weeds are those little tiny green numbers streaming down the screen in The Matrix...each one is made up of energy...the energy of the universe...infinite, ever-present, almighy, conscious love...
the weeds and our little journey into them...our little side track...our little bump in the road...our little twilight zone episode is just the universe loving the beegeebers outta us...? ?? ?? ? ???? right?.... he types as he keeps hitting the save draft button just in case the computer...or the universe in the orm of the compute decides that now is the time the perfect time the ever perfect time for the I Ching hexagram computer freeze...

the weeds are the universe to... the weeds and our unexpected, reluctant,and unwanted journey into them are another expression of the universe taking us by the hand and leading us along the path it would have us walk that we might be the best version of ourselves...??even though it sure as Hecate doesn't feel like it at the time...but feels more like we've reached beyond our limit of the poin tof despair...but with out being able to give up...
the weeds are the reality that is happening while we're making other plans...
the weeds and these wild forays into our wilderness are what make the safe and simple path we were trying so desparately to get back to seem so tamed, strange, and unfamiliar like a long lost pair of pants or shoes...when we actually make it back there...there...the warm and safe and as the wilderness recedes back into the missed we return to missing more of the present than that...
when we arrive back in the known the wilderness is no longer the unknown but now is joined into our map of our world...our personal landscape of the universe...horizons expanded we go on business as usual...but with a question...

the day after i realized the question of
what are the weeds...i discovered that the I Ching Hexagram computer freeze thing was being caused by the computer overheating the video card...and all i had to do was keep it cool and i'd be able to burn the DVD of the movie and carry on like every other human being...keeping it cool at certain times meant sticking a package of frozen blackberries under the computer...and another time it meant leaving the computer by an open window all night through the burning process...and at dawn a fresh DVD of my movie popped out of the computer and i sleeping on the floor next to it woke right up to that sound and put in another DVD to burn the second copy while the burning was good...

On Friday Jan 29th, three weeks, that's 21 days from the day when the computer holding my movie hostage for the ransom of patience began...on that same day, Jan 8th, i had to move out of the hotel i'd been staying in since the Autumnal Equinox, Sept. 21st...and have been air mattress surfing here in L.A. since...trying to finish the on Friday at Sunset i stood in line at the Venice Post office a hair past closing time and sent out a tested and approved copy of the DVD to via certified mail to make it available in 2 to 4 weeks online as a digital download and a DVD.... then i walked the block and half to the beach and preformed my personal Conscious Evolution Day Global quiet Sunet/ Full Moon Rise Meditation...
at that moment the full Moon and Mars were rising together in the Leo in the east...while the Sun and Venus were setting in Aquarius in the west....strait over head was the Pleiades star cluster in Taurus ...the ocean water felt a warm greeting on my bare feet... as i meditated on my personal conscious evolution...
this is my harvest
of recent events
thank you for listening...

"...permission to love..." ?

Feb. 2nd is the half way point between the Winter Solstice & the Vernal or Spring Equinox
the traditional mating season
thought i'd share this essay that's been sitting awhile...

ya know...
i just saw how crucial
that moment is
and has always been to me
i can get confirmationfrom someone i'm taken by
that it is
to love the other person
...permission to love...
which i can see is such a momentous threshold
to pass into it being "safe"
to reveal the depth of my true feelings
that i've been saving up
a whole life time and beyond
for " the one "
and even the possibility that " this one might be 'the one'..."
is enough to keep me (and i think everyone)
showing up and reaching out to different "the one"s
until we find "her" (or "him" for the her's)
such is the life of the romantic
no matter how weary or bleary eyed we become from the quest
we must complete the journey or die trying...

...permission to love....
how 'bout that...sounds like a title:

"permission to love, ma 'am"
picture a man on a street corner
hat in hand
asking of the passers by,''...permission to love...?"
what is really being asked
"is it alright for me to love you fully now without reservation
is it alright and safe for me to open up all the love ive been saving
for that right person
that one person i always knew had to be in the universe somewhere
that was waiting and looking for me at the the same time on some level"
we make it into all that, don't we...?
that is how i've approached every person i 've felt an attraction for my whole life
until in each instance it became apparent that she was not "her"
this is how and what i have carried everywhere
in every moment i have walked on this earth...this desire this compulsion this mating urg
the new age is a buzz about with much talk about twin flames and all that...
i've carried this energy of seeking her everywhere
in the hope that she was just around the corner...
or the next person i would meet
maybe she would be at that party, in the supermarket over by the vegetables , or in the laundry mat watching the clothes go round
sitting on a park bench or walking the long beach...
or on that path...

and then when i found "her",
finally found one another
then we
could begin...
begin to unfold and enjoy
our love
our great cosmic celestial love
that would change the world...forever

i know...
i might be a romantic...
and i couldn't be any other way...

20 years ago after going through my teens and 20's without finding "her"
i pictured myself at " the crossroads "...
i felt that i was waiting there for "her"
and after waiting there for a time
it occurred to me that
maybe she had already gone on ahead
and we would meet up ahead somewhere
and that i wouldn't if i remained at the crossroads...
so i went on ahead...
what this meant in practical terms
is i decided not to wait for her
and let life and life's opportunities pass me by
because i couldn't tell how long it would be until "she" showed up
if even in this lifetime...
in other words
i had a feeling that this might take a while...

so i began to enjoy the people that life brought to me with the tide
instead of continuing to save myself for "her"
but while i shared myself both physically and romantically with people
i kept back the core of my love
for "her"...

at a price of course...
keeping feelings frozen up inside
makes things difficult when you want to thaw them out i discovered
during the few false alarms i encountered
or manufactured out of plain desperation to find "her"
to finally see "her" even if i had to warp the other person into my image of "her" or even try to settle for someone other than "her" out of that same desperation, fatigue, blindness, or even lust
or maybe just fear that she might never show up...
yes i have tried to make many people into "her"
in my own eyes at least
and no, of course it never works...

and it wasn't all not fun...but it was all disappointing...
dis appoint ment ...the feeling of having either missed
or attending the wrong appointment
being in the wrong place...
the constant question
"am i in the right place... am i in the wrong place "she" here somewhere and i'm just not seeing her...
and why is this taking so long to find "her"...
she must be out here looking for me too,
feeling the same frustration...

yeah something like all that

so i love you
though i dont know you but what ive made you out to be in our brief sketch so far
ive learned enough on earth to know that it is good to acknowledge
that i love who i think you are and who i am making you out to be in my inner universe
and im grateful for what gift this has already been towards my truth awakening

the reason i brought up the whole crossroads thing
is that when i was at the crossroads
i got an image of what "she" looked like
drum roll please

it is the face that i see in you...

no pressure no pressure...

riding my bike on the boardwalk last night
i remembered again that old quotation
i cant remember who said something like it
but it came to me as i sped along through the chill Dec. air
listening to my breath and the wheels turning and the waves crash across the sand
as though the City of Los Angeles
didnt matter but for a moment in the blink of time the Earth knows

the difference between
the dreamer and the visionary
is that the dreamer dreams
and the visionary lives their dreams into reality...

"permission to love..."
fully, completely
and finally without reservation
that's right
without holding anything back
to be... "safe"....!?!

its the difference between
living my life today for all its wonder and opportunity
with constant gratitude for just being
making every moment count
and fully appreciating it all for what it is and can be
as im being my dreams coming true
living in anticipation of something
more important
significant and "real" happening
that i'm really waiting for cuz it will be so cool when it finally happens...

i have been blessed
to arrive at this moment
where i know what it is to live both ways...
and i gotta say
exercising the choice every day and moment
to live ones dreams into reality
there is a power
unknowable and incalculable to one who has not risked
the fall...
the devastation of total, complete, and utter failure
of ones ultimate success
the tension of promise can be felt throughout ones life
and is enough to get you out of bed in the morning
there is a point at which each failure
even total failure
becomes a golden opportunity
because you realize the key is to ask and answer
the question
what is there for me to learn from this
what is the universe working to show me through this
and when you can see things from this place
then everything that happens is feeding and speeding your overall success

success is something you feel...
and you know from all the energy that gets freed up naturally
this is between you and the universe...

just me and the universe...
so far

i heard it said the other day
"...the wrong woman can break a man
and the right woman can make a man..."
i think most men know this
deep inside
and that is why we dance the dance that we do...
unsure and insecure about our choices...
so we play either self deluded, non-committal, or a combination of the two...


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

accessing the akashic record...?

Nov. 1996 doing astrology readings
at the Atlanta Whole Life Expo
i met Gary Bonnell
who was there promoting his book
Your Book of Life: Accessing the Akashic Records
a month later i read the book,
memorized 2 of the creative visualization meditations
one for accessing the the akashic records
and one for accessing your own book of life...
over the next month & a half
i practiced one of these every day...
over the years i've practiced this many times
and have actually taught the meditation at
Rainbow Gatherings all over the world...

at these workshops i've described
the akashic records as:
the entire history, herstory, & ourstory of the universe
past, present, and future...
Gary said he had been accessing the akashic records
since he was 8...
i asked if he practiced the meditations
and he said they were just a tool
but that once you know where to go
you can just go there...

what i've found is that the meditation experience
serves to give people the context
to accept the fact that as children of the light
we have complete permission
to access the akashic record...

from my own experience
if and when one accepts this fact
and gives oneself permission
one can construct ones own version of
a creative visualization...
at one of the workshops i gave at the first
World Rainbow Gathering in Australia in 2000
one of the folks took issue with
some of the western iconography
in the visualization
so we constructed one that
circumvented that concern
and it worked just as well...
and has become one of my favorites...

there are at least as many ways into the akashic
as there are people...

back in the winter of 1996-97
the first time i went into the akashic records
i did so just as sort of a test flight
to make sure i'd memorized the script correctly
so when i got in there
and stood before the book on the alter
facing this big black mirror
and could finally ask a question
i wasn't sure what to ask at first...
then it came to me and i asked
to be shown what the universe
wanted me to know most...
immediately it came back:
"that you are loved"
i said yeah yeah sure
because this sounded like
just me making something up...
i said but tell me something more,
expecting something more mystical
with more bells and whistles
but the universe said
"you are loved"
i asked again and the answer came back the same
"you are loved"
finally i decided to end the session...
when i came out of the meditation
and wrote out the experience
the full weight of the significance
of the message filled me...

the next day i went in
and when i asked the question
to be shown whatever the universe
wanted me to know most...
i was shown the moment i was invited
to come into this universe...
i was told that certain aspects of divinity
had created a place that was so effective
that they had gotten caught up in
and stuck their own creation...
so the universe had invited
other aspects of divinity
to go into this place and awaken them
to the truth of their perdicament,
their origins, & their nature...
but this second group of "souls"
had also gotten stuck...
so the universe was inviting me
among another wave of others
to incarnate and accomplish the mission...
i was shown the moment of my gleeful response...
i was told that since then i had already incarnated
1878 times...and that the first time had been as
a doctor in the late 1700/early 1800
not all of these incarnations were full
some may have been brief
and im not sure that they were all as humans
the point of them all though was:
first to become acclimated to this place...
second to assess what was it
about this process of incarnation on Earth that
was so captivating
that souls forgot who they really were
and perceived themselves as
somehow separate from divinity...
and thirdly to then see what could be done
to rectify the situation...

Monday, November 17, 2008

no i mean really crazy people...spiritual technology ?

so yesterday
i was sitting in my bus
parked by the beach
when this african american man
who was acting crazy
wandered by
this being Venice Beach
where there is no shortage
of mentally challenged souls
struggling to keep a grip
on the world the sane people
take as a given...

& i have seen and interacted with
my share over the years
but there was something
in this moment
that made me think

of 2000 years ago
in Palestine
how this person would have been described
as having an unclean spirit...

there were teachers and healers
who wandered the land
who were very sought after
and respected for their ability
and skill in healing and dealing with

these kinds of people

for being able to caste out
of a person
an unclean spirit
and help return that person
to sanity...

because in the life of a village community
one such crazy person
could really have a huge effect
on the peace of the place
and the presence of such a crazy person
in the community could so easily be seen
as a poor reflection on
the welfare of the whole community

this was of course
before we had
any cops to call
& any loony bins
to send people to
for someone else to deal with

one of these groups of healers
where an order within
the ultra conservative Hebrew sect
known as the Essenes associated
with the Qumran Community
on the Northwestern corner
of the Dead Sea
just up the trail from
the ancient city of Jericho

these healers who wore
long white flowing robes
and wandered the land
ministering to the sick
and the lame
and the poor in spirit
were known as
the Theraputae...

their specialty was
casting out unclean spirits
and all forms of dis-ease
because the absolute truth
they were working from
enable them to speak with authority
in the name of god with a capital g

their approach was to see a
person as a soul
a divinely perfect aspect of god
the creator

the soul was inhabiting a physical body
a body as a soul-bearer
each soul
a divine spark of consciousness

("...the lord god of hosts..." ?
is the body the host or
is the soul the host?
if the soul is the host
then what or who is the soul hosting ?)

the idea was
1. to be direct
to speak directly to what might be
afflicting the (Host?) soul

2. to remind the afflicted
of the absolute truth
of their ultimate existence
in the realm of god.
"the truth will set you free"?

3. to speak with divine authority
because as children of the light
we all have permission to do so...

to be grounded in this truth
and act from this place of groundedness...
imagine being so sure of the reality
of your relationship
with the creator...that you could speak with authority

after years of time spent
in the wilderness
of the soul
facing the nature of ones own
being as a human
and divine spark
and dispelling the illusions
of ones own "demons"
and undergoing all manner
of initiations to trigger
what can be triggered
and humble what there is
of one to be humbled
one would undergo
the teaching of The Way
undertaking to be a living example
of the truth as you wander the land
directed by spirit
to minister to the hungry in spirit...

because their approach
was working with
the spiritual reality
first and foremost
they had a measure of success
in dealing with
crazy people
maybe they were the only ones
willing to give it a try...
and not be satisfied with
just letting crazy people
just be crazy...

so when people in a town afflicted with
a person with an unclean spirit
saw a Man of God or a seeker of The Way
come walking up the road
they might have felt some cause for hope
that if only for a little while
there was somebody around
to deal with the old crazy lady
or weird uncle Festus...

what we know of these healers methods
is written in the 4 gospels
of the New Testament
Mathew, Mark, Luke, & John
where arguably at least 60 percent
of these writings are tales of healings
to the point where Mary Baker Eddy,
the founder of the Christian Science Church
based on her book
referred to the gospels as a treatise
in spiritual healing...

there is a really interesting story
in there about how a man had 7
spirits taken out of him
and when he went back
to his clean house
how he invited more
that were worse than the ones before

which brings us to permission
it would seem from observation
and studying the literature
of several traditions on the subject
that most of these nutcase situations
involve a measure of permission
on the part of the inflicted
to allow either a healing to take place
or for the disharmonious conditions
and aspects to enter in...

also the medical intuitive
Caroline Myss's
book and lectures
on Why People Don't Heal
comes to mind...

so i'm sitting there thinking of all this
munching on my jar of olives
from the 99cent store
and i see the crazy man
walking up the other side of the street
being crazy...
and virtually invisible in our landscape
ever counted by the universe
who seems to use
conscious or unconscious
for the greater purpose
the great work
of our mutual
our collective
spiritual evolution...

and the spirit
of this brother
ever so nonchalantly insane
a model of an african american man
who has probably lost his mind
somewhere on the path
has inspired me
and you
to think
of the world
and the universe we now live in

what go on here ?

a child who
he's parents celebrated
on the day of his birth
now wanders the streets
of the great city
in illusion

sound familiar?

a matter of degrees

"...for the grace of god
there go i..."

prayer is spiritual technology...

cotton candy...?


it's felt like
my life
is just so much
cotton candy

i seem to keep being
presented with all these
great opportunities
what would be great opportunities
if they actually manifested

but not far into the tunnel of illusion
and "gee whizz...wouldnt it be cool if..."
they go poof...

they looks great from a distance
but when you bite into them
there's nothing there
and pretty colored sugar
which may be fine at first
but then
it's just a mouthful of sugar
and then a belly full of sugar
and you're like

so then the question comes
what the heck was that all about
why invite me to the ball
get me all dressed up for the ball
only to have me show up at the ball
and there be no ball...

at some point
the idea that i'm "just being tested "
wears thin
danged thin
and then
what? what ?
what ? what ? what ?
what what what what?
the question becomes
what is the point of all this again...?

thanks for listening...

Friday, October 31, 2008

water is conscious...? "...water is life..." ?

watched this DVD called "Water"
which explores recent research
that water has memory...

water can be programed
the program it is carrying
is revealed in its crystalline structure..

it remembers
it comes in contact with

the electromagnetic pulses
of the human heart
are enough

our conscious
or unconscious thoughts
& intention
are enough

to influence
the molecular structure
of water....................................!

for me
the implications are
our goal ought to be:
to create
a more loving world
for all life...

they did this experiment where they filled
two clear glass beakers
with sludge, a "waste" product from oil drilling
that is a solution of thick oil and water
they set a device against one of the beakers
that emitted subtle electromagnetic energy
about the same as that emitted by the human heart
& within 7 days the water
had completely separated out
from the oil in the test sample...

that night after watching this DVD
i dreamed deep
and was very conscious in my sleep
this notion emerged that
perhaps it is the water in our brains
that holds our memories

given that each of us are over two thirds water

perhaps it is through this water
& its connection to all water
which holds the memory of the history of the planet
the solar system, and the cosmos
that we access
the akashic record
the entire history, herstory,
our story of the universe
past, present, and future...?

the phrase "water is life"
played around in my mind in my sleep
as i felt this connectedness to all water
through my thoughts & the ideas
that perhaps the water was giving to me ?

it is our destiny
& homework
to practice being
more conscious...?

we have had the opportunity
to practice unconsciousness
as a society
& have found out the hard way
where that leads time and time again...?

pollution of the water is a function
of this unconsciousness
an outward expression
of unlovingness...
an ignorance
of the basic truth of our existence:
that we are all connected
everything is connected
& effected
by everything else...?

the reason we pollute
physically & psychically
is fear...? greed is fear? anger is fear?
the crystalline structure of water
that has absorbed fear is dire, drastic,
chaotic...even disturbing to look at...
yet how much time in our day are we
motivated by fear, doubt, anger,
or carelessness...the desire not to care...

afraid of being held responsible for our actions
afraid of having to be conscious
of having to awaken...?

bringing oneself to a conscious awareness
of love, gratitude,
&/or the divine
the ever presence
the holy spirit
the spirit of holiness
structures the water
of which we are made
into beautiful fluid
crystalline sacred geometric harmonies...

it occurred to me
that global harmony can be achieved
as we make this awareness a
personal priority...
the difference one person can make

it is the souls mission
to choose consciousness
over ignorance...?

programing and thus structuring
our water & our bodies
with the highest resonance
impacts the rest of our world

Thursday, October 23, 2008

whatzup with that couple thing...?

can be a very lonely place...

it can almost seem like exile sometimes
from a more loving connected place...

& just when you're feeling
the full weight of this
you are graced
with seeing couples
being affectionate
& loving
with one another...

as if the universe
somehow wants
to drive home
the point
of what you're missing...

& why are you missing it?

but that the universe
& you
way back
that it would be exactly
the perfect thing
at this moment
for you to feel

according to the master plan
this will of course trigger some
grand unfolding of realization,
some great awakening...
some crucial sequence of events
the future of the cosmos has been depending on
since the dawn of time...


just another night
on the planet

to the distant waves
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